Natural Connections for a Healthier Life
 
Positive relationships can ward off loneliness, and help us live longer, healthier lives
Angelique Kasmara
Family Care NZ Issue 51

​All the connections we have in our lives make a difference. Positive social interactions are linked to better cardiovascular health, lower blood pressure, less depression and a longer life.
These connections help us build and grow skills, improve our mental health, and boost our self-esteem.
 
Sharing your troubles with trusted others can help to lighten your emotional load and provide a sense of relief.  They can play a role in stopping mental health issues from spiralling by providing a sense of belonging and self-worth.  Conversations and activities with friends can be stimulating and fun, helping to ward off cognitive challenges.
 
Who we connect to includes our nearest and dearest, of course, but others as well. Studies show that even occasional connections are beneficial, whether it’s a friend you catch up with occasionally, acquaintances, people in a group you’re part of, or those you see casually, such as your neighbourhood dairy owner or barista.
 
It’s worthwhile to review our most important relationships now and then – how we are connecting at home, at work, and in the rest of our lives.  Our wellbeing can depend on these interactions!
 
 
Other Factors
 
Strengthening and nurturing our close relationships is important, but what if we’re in a challenging situation at home or work that we can do little about?  These relationships, if distant, can make us feel even lonelier.  If this is true for you, it’s even more important to sustain other connections – ones that enrich your life and make you feel good.
 
Despite the well-known benefits of connecting with people who are important to us, it’s all too easy to neglect our relationships.  Many of us are taking care of our families, whether it’s raising small children, looking after a parent, or helping someone who needs extra support.  Or maybe we’re a bit set in our ways and not as open to new things.
 
Reaching out for new connections isn’t always easy.  It can feel as though others already have their group of friends and aren’t looking for new ones.  It’s also a reality that many of us experience social anxiety, are naturally introverted or simply out of practice in how to connect with others.  The pandemic, too, may have isolated us from friends, family, neighbours, or activities.
 
Given that this is the case for so many of us, how do we create more natural connections?
 
Tried and True
 
Think of why making friends may have been easier when you were younger.  Friendships are often made through the simple factors of proximity, timing and regularity, in environments such as school, a tertiary institution, a friendly neighbourhood, or our workplace.  This low stakes familiarity means that it’s easier to get a sense of who you might have a natural rapport with.  In adulthood we need to actively create similar conditions.  How do we do this?
 
It's all about you!
 
It may feel counterintuitive, but the first step towards creating these conditions is to turn your attention to yourself.  Putting yourself first is important!  Think of it as a DIY project you’ve neglected for awhile.  Before you start, it’s best to have all your tools lined up, sharpened, shined, or repaired before you make a start on building new connections, or perhaps repairing existing ones.
 
What does putting yourself first mean to you?  It can and should mean simply that: doing what is best for you whether this comes in the form of relaxing in the bath, getting medical check ups, eating a balanced diet, or catching up with friends.
 
Prioritising your own physical, emotional, and mental health can and should create a positive ripple effect all around.
 
For most people, family, health, work and community are intertwined and the success of one depends on the other.  Our ideas about staying connected might be helpful.
 
Me time
 
Many of us struggle to put ourselves first.  This may come from beliefs instilled since childhood of selflessness being a virtue.  Or maybe it conjures up unwelcome memories of that demanding customer, toxic ex or difficult neighbour who managed to make everything about themselves. 
 
For many people, such as those with health condition or caring for a loved one, finding ‘me time’ may be difficult.  It is important to allow yourself to feel that prioritising yourself doesn’t have to mean being selfish or neglecting others.  Also that there are ways to do this without damaging your relationships.
 
For those with little time, it might come down to snatching five minutes here and there to do something just for you.

​Connect with yourself first

Spa treatments, yoga classes or a weekend trip away are lovely ideas, but for many they aren’t an option.
 
If you’re unable to get time off, can’t easily go out to connect with others, or if these activities are financially out of reach, try focusing on the basics first.
 
Keep routines as simple and sustainable as possible.  Aim for regular quality sleep, a balanced diet, frequent hydration, daily exercise and outside time for 20-40 minutes for a daily dose of Vitamin D.  Enjoy favourite activities, which match your abilities and interests.
 
Find your community
 
Research shows that connection is vital for our mental wellbeing.  Doing things we enjoy is often more fun with others, and a positive interaction can brighten up our day.  Also, just about everyone has something that they’re struggling with, whether it’s the cost of living or health issues.  If you’re feeling overburdened, the more information, practical and emotional support you can find, the easier things feel.  Seek support groups online and in person to share coping strategies and maintain social connection.  It’s important to ask for help as much as you offer it.  You may feel vulnerable reaching out, but nothing strengthens a friendship more than asking for a favour.
 
Make time for what matters to you
 
When you job, health needs, or support for others swallows up all your time, it may be difficult to sometimes put your own needs first, including maintaining hobbies and social activities.  It’s important to connect with aspects of your life that matter to you.  If you are feeling disconnect from yourself, try taking stock of your interests.  Notice what you’re missing, whether it is spending time in nature, pursuing a special interest, going to the movies, playing sport, or attending a book club.  If you can, mark these activities out on the calendar.  Scheduling a Pilates class or going to the movies with a friend makes it less likely your plans will be put aside.
 
Set healthy boundaries
 
Establishing healthy rules and limitations can help strengthen any relationship, at any stage.  Start by reflecting on your values and beliefs.  By gaining a more thorough understanding of yourself, you can begin to identify the kind of financial, physical or psychological boundaries that will work for you.  When you’re setting boundaries with another person, choose a time when you’re both relaxed and can talk through your expectations with each other.  Be as clear as possible.  For example, instead of saying, “I need more personal space” give a clear directive such as “please ask first before going into my bedroom”.
 
Acknowledge the contradictions
 
A lot of research has been done on how tallying up positives leads to feeling more confident and uplifted.  Think of three things that were challenging during the day.  Maybe you couldn’t get through to your health provider, you lost your keys, and everyone in your household is down with illness.  Then, come up with three things that you’re pleased about – you had a nice chat with a shop assistant, a flower in your garden just bloomed, the clothes on your line stayed dry.

Be a lifelong learner
 
Staying open and choosing to learn new things can expand and enrich your life in unexpected ways.  Not sure where to start? Make a list of things you’d love to do.  Write them down and put the list somewhere visible, like the fridge door.  If something is anchored in your subconscious, you’re more likely to spot an opportunity to take action when it comes your way.

​Ref: Family Care NZ issue 51

​It’s time for some pillow talk.  In this nod to the restorative powers of sleep, we share lifestyle and nutritional tips for your day that will help you reap the rewards at night.
 
Sleep is essential for physical, cognitive and emotional health. In the words of the Sleep Foundation, we need to prioritise it to stay “healthy, happy and sharp”.
 
For adults over the age of 18, health professionals recommend seven to nine hours sleep a night. These precious hours allow for a full body reset.  Mentally, a good sleep supports cognitive functions, memory consolidation, and overall mental wellbeing.  Physically, it supports immune function, cardiovascular health, respiratory health and hormonal balance.  There’s a saying that your gut ‘does its housework’ whilst you sleep, which sums things up succinctly.  When we wake up needing the lavatory, that’s our body needing to put out the rubbish after its work cleaning up overnight.  No wonder we feel like we’re suffering when 40 winks allude us.
 
What sleep type are you?
 
You might understand that you are sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric or melancholic, but did you know there are also sleep types?  Researchers from Pennsylvania State University are working to determine sleep types in adults and figure out what their type means for their overall health.  Sleep types fall into four different categories.

• Good sleepers – those who have ideal sleep.

• Weekend catch up sleepers – those who sleep longer on their days off to make up for lack of sleep during the week.

• Insomnia sleepers and nappers – those who get a good sleep but are also likely to have a nap during the day.

 
Research shows the ‘insomnia sleepers’ are more likely to develop health conditions.
 
‘Nappers’ are also more likely to develop health conditions but less likely than those with insomnia. The researchers believe that the results may suggest that it is difficult to change habits, because sleep is embedded into our overall lifestyle and people tend to undervalue the importance of their sleep and sleep health.
 
So what strategies can you use to improve your sleep health if you don’t fall into the ‘good sleepers’ category?

​Routine  When taking care of babies, we work consistently to establish a soothing sleep routine.  This includes a warm, soothing bath, putting on pjs, reading a book, and going to bed at the same time every night. These rhythmic nightly actions create cues for the baby that sleep time is coming, and their body needs to unwind in preparation for the night’s rest.  There is no reason why a soothing routine shouldn’t continue through an entire lifetime.
 
Create a sleep-friendly environment.  Make sure your bedroom is comfy, quiet and dark.  If you need additional help to block out light or sound, use earplugs or an eye mask and consider using white noise.  To avoid disrupting the effects of melatonin, avoid bright screens before sleep.
 
Keep physically active during the day.  Regular exercise in the daytime can improve sleep quality.  It doesn’t need to be overly vigorous, just try to do it earlier in the day, as all those endorphins you’re creating have stimulating effects which is not what we want at bed time!
 
Substances such as caffeine, nicotine and alcohol can disrupt sleep patterns especially if you are consuming them in the evening or at night.  Without sounding like a complete kill-joy, attempt to keep these to a minimum!

​A ‘cat nap’ or a ‘nana nap’.  These golden nuggets of energy enhancement can be just the ticket, if used correctly!  Expert suggestions for the ideal snooze include keeping it short (10-20 mins).  Set an alarm if you are likely to sleep longer.  A longer lie down runs the risk of disrupting the following night’s sleep - leaving you feeling worse. The halfway mark between when you woke up and plan to go to sleep is ideal so an early afternoon nap makes sense to many. Following these guidelines can lead to better memory, greater tolerance for frustrations, increased learning capacity and (to the benefit of those around you) an improved mood!
 
Watch your medications and check with a healthcare professionals whether anything you’re on has potential to interfere with sleep.  Making sure you are managing underlying health conditions effectively can improve sleep too.
 
See your Doctor if you suspect a sleep disorder. They can refer you to a specialist for testing to pinpoint and treat anything out of whack.

​What to eat to help you sleep

• Look for food with an amino acid named ‘tryptophan’.  Your body converts this into the natural sleep regulation chemicals serotonin and melatonin. Foods like turkey, chicken, fish, eggs, nuts, seeds and tofu are all good sources of tryptophan.

 

• Whole grains, fruits and vegetables also provide sustained energy and help regulate blood sugar levels during the night.  And if you're feeling patriotic, stock up on kiwifruit, which has been shown to promote better sleep too.

 

• Stay away from spicy or acidic foods which can bring on heartburn and indigestion and disrupt sleep.  Sugary foods and drinks, caffeinated beverages and alcohol should be avoided at night as they’ll make it harder to fall asleep.

 

• Consider the timing of your meals.  try to finish your dinner two or three hours before bed and avoid too many drinks in the evening to avoid a trip to the loo at midnight.

 
 
Reference: NZ Best Senior and Living Retirement Lifestyle Guide 2025

Make your heart beat faster
 
Exercise can be a divisive topic.  Some are quite happy with the odd walk to keep the blood flowing, while others are peppy exercise evangelists, regularly pumped up on endorphins.  Suzi Brown helps navigate the territory in between.

​Lycra isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and after all, we’re not all built for distance running or aerobics classes not to mention loud repetitive club anthems...especially as one’s age increases.  But you can find a way to exercise in moderation, at a level and intensity that suits you.  And there are methods to fight that natural inclination to stay buttocks-firmly-on-the-couch, even when the weather is less than inviting.
 
From battling the bulge to enjoying a quicker memory, the benefits of increasing your pulse rate are endless and long-lasting.  All research points to the fact that we’ll have healthier, happier bodies and minds if we make a habit of taking some daily exercise.  If you’re currently not exercising, don’t fret, you can work up to it.  I’m no Olympian, but I have learnt a few tips and tricks to encourage myself to go just a little bit further, or a little bit faster... because there really are rewards beyond the comfort zone.

Motivate yourself to get moving

• It’s in the mind.  As a regular runner and gym goer I know the key to getting moving can be as simple as a change of outfit.  Just as climbing into your nightclothes prepares your mind for sleep, changing into ‘active wear’ sends a message that it is time to exercise.  Honestly, once you’re in your gear, half the battle is won.  All you need is a pair of supportive sports shoes and comfortable clothing which has plenty of room for movement.  Remember several light layers are better than one bulky one as your body will heat up as you start moving.            Hint:  Second hand shops are simply exploding with barely used exercise clothes.  A new top or shorts can do wonders in encouraging you out of the house.  Even some new cushion-soled sports socks can help do the trick.
• Start small.  This is my oldest, most basic way to trick my mind into an exercise session: if you REALLY aren’t in the mood for it, just tell yourself you will walk/jog/bike a small distance.  Whatever isn’t too overwhelming for your personal level of fitness.  For some this might simply be a slow amble to the corner, for others a jog to the end of the street.  The thing is, once you have actually made it to the corner you’ll find you are surprisingly feeling quite good, and since you went to the trouble of getting changed and onto the footpath, you may as well go to the next corner!  I have tricked myself into a lot of longer-than-intended jogs by using this useful technique.

• Use encouraging affirmations.  Our friends at Nike have hit it out of the park with their slogan which I repeat in my head regularly:  JUST DO IT!  They’re the perfect three words to get up and get going.  And once I am going, another favourite is,  “I am running rings around anyone sitting on their couch right now.”  Then, there are the questions I ask myself: “Am I man or mouse?”  (Correct answer is man.). I also remind myself this is only a very small portion of my 24-hour day, and that I will feel fabulous (and relieved) when I’ve actually finished this thing. (Followed by imagining the relief and joy of the steaming hot shower at the end, and the knowledge that I’ve earned myself a treat after dinner!)

• Find that song.  You cannot overestimate the affect of a well-chosen song on your psychological condition.  Find a playlist in the genre and pop on some headphones or earpods.  If you enjoy a podcast then choose a goodie.  It really is a helpful way to distract your mind from that fact that your body is a bit sore or tired.

• Join a group exercise session.  These are on offer in most retirement villages and many communities.  They range from gentle stretch classes to ‘bootcamps’ or retro dance groups, and offer the opportunity to exercise with a group of like-minded people under the expert tutelage of an instructor.  The group usually runs on a fixed day and time so is easy to incorporate into your weekly routine.  I have been going to a ‘boot camp’ for 12 years now and as we have aged the instructor has adapted the programme to include more body strength and mobility work.  My ‘classmates’ have become good friends and will text to check in on me if I don’t attend which means I don’t make excuses! It is one of the social highlights of my week made even better as it incorporates exercise.

• Make a regular date to meet a friend to walk your favourite circuit or to explore new tracks in your region.  There are also a wide variety of annual charity walks which offer the opportunity to be social, stay fit and support a worthy cause.  Examples include The Pink Ribbon Walk for breast cancer and the Walk to Defeat MND for motor neurone disease.  If you need to find someone to walk with search the web for “Walking groups near me”, and you will find most communities offer at least one group aimed at those over 50.

• Dangle a carrot!  Once you have done this walk, or that workout, reward yourself with something small but wonderful.  That morning coffee tastes soooo much better when you’ve earned it.

What type of exercise should I choose?

The choices are endless!  I would encourage you to start with what sort of personality you have, or the kind of lifestyle you lead.  If you are surrounded by people a lot, then a walk by yourself might be just the ticket.  However if you perk up around others then choose something more sociable like a group exercise class or a trip to the gym where you can have a chat with those around you.  Women in particular benefit from weight bearing exercises as they age, as bone density decreases.  Weight training encourages not only firmer muscles, but the ability to retain strong bones and stave off osteoporosis.  Some examples would be:

• Weight bearing exercises – a group of activities that are carried out while on your feet, meaning you bear your own body weight.  You could try jogging on the spot or aerobic dance.

• Body weight training: these are a simple, cheap and effective way to increase your body strength and improve balance and flexibility.  The beauty is they don’t require machinery or extra equipment with only body weight for resistance.  Think push-ups, chair dips, lunges, wall sits or climbing stairs.

• Resistance training.  This generally uses equipment like dumbells or resistance bands.  These exercises in particular are great for increasing bone density, and can also reduce the risk of falls and prevent muscle mass loss.

• Isometric exercises:  Think planks, wall sits, glute bridges or warrior poses.  You can try these at home as they require no equipment and can be achieved without a huge time outlay. 

• Pilates/yoga has multiple benefits.  It is a way to exercise gently, reduce tension and improve flexibility and balance as well as refreshing the mind and soul.

 
Incidental exercise
 
Exercise doesn’t need to be intentional for it to be exercise!  Look out for opportunities for “incidental” activity.  Basically that means exercise that happens during a typical day.  For example: household chores, gardening, shopping and simply skipping the lift and walking up stairs.  These small exercise opportunities have been shown to be hugely helpful in warding off wait gain and improving general health, as well as helping avoid the mental load of putting aside time to be specifically active.
 
TIP:  Add extra incidental exercise to your day by parking a bit further away from a place or person you might be visiting.  Obviously this will increase your daily step count – and every extra step helps.
 
Take a seat
 
Why not try mixing up your usual exercise routine, and take a seat!  Seated exercise can be just as beneficial for improving strength, flexibility and balance as the traditional forms, but with the added positives of being suitable for those with mobility issues or medical conditions.  There are gentle seated exercises to suit almost anyone, and many affordable community-based classes with experienced instructors who can guide you.  You can work on improving your strength, flexibility and balance and leave feeling energised, while enjoying a supportive environment with like minded individuals.

​Resources for every body:
 
Nymbl Balance Training App is ACC’s free digital balance app.  Nymbl enables you to improve your balance by taking you through simple body movements.  Give up on your excuses about cost, this app is completely free!  Enjoy its easy-to-use format with step-by-step instructions. 
 
https://www.livestronger.org.nz/find-a-community-strength-and-balance-class/find-a-strength-and-balance-class/find-a-class
Pop to this webpage to find a great selection of resources including video exercises to do at home or simply click on your region and find a class near you.  Tip:  Some of the church-based community classes are followed by morning tea, where you can reward yourself for your diligent exercise efforts!
 
Workout jargon explained
 
Do you feel like people are speaking ancient Greek when the conversation strays into working out?  It is all actually pretty straight forward.  After digesting the descriptions over the page, you’ll have it down in no time:
 
Cardio (Cardiovascular exercise):
Any form of exercise that makes your heart beat harder and breathe more heavily.  This is a great workout for your heart.
 
Endurance:  This is similar to cardio exercise in that it increases your heart and breathing rate.  As the word suggests, endurance is generally longer lasting.  It can be weight-bearing or non weight-bearing.
 
HIT: High Intensity Interval Training.  This involves alternating short bursts of intense exercise with periods of rest or lower intensity activity.  HIT workouts are known for burning a lot of calories in a short amount of time.
 
Reps (Repetitions):  This refers to one complete cycle of a movement in an exercise.  So, if you do a bicep curl where you raise and lower the weight one time, that’s one rep.
 
Sets:  This refers to a group of repetitions performed consecutively with a short rest in between.
 
Strength training:  This type of exercise uses weights, resistance bands, or your body weight to build muscle strength and endurance.  Examples include squats, lunges, push-ups, rows, and bicep curls.
 
ENOM (Every Minute on the Minute):  This is a workout structure where you perform a set number of reps of an exercise at the beginning of each minute.  The remaining time can be used for rest or recovery.
 
AMRAP (As Many Reps/Rounds As Possible):  This type of workout challenges you to complete as many reps or rounds of a circuit as possible within a set time frame.
 
There are many other exercise terms and acronyms out there, so don’t hesitate to ask a trainer or gym staff if you come across something you’re unsure about.  Thery’re there to help you understand and feel comfortable with you workout routine.
 
 
Reference:  Aged Advisor 2025